Ugly
by Nayru Elric
Summary: Envy knew they were ugly from the moment they were born. But they never expected to die for an ugliness that was unseen from the outside – something deep within, unwavering, unchanging. That is, until...


**Summary:** Envy knew they were ugly from the moment they were born. They never expected to die for an ugliness that was unseen from the outside; something deep within, unwavering, unchanging. That is, until...

* * *

 **Ugly**

* * *

Bright crimson blood colored the cement floor and walls as Envy hacked flesh and bone, losing themselves in the frenzy.

 _"Shut the hell up, Ugly. Why don't you show your true self, Envy the Freak?"_ Envy swung their arms harsher than before at Greed's words echoing through their ears. Envy knew it was true from the first moment the light of the world shined through their slitted pupils; their true form was nothing to flaunt about unlike Pride's enormous, shadowy presence or Lust's luscious body. Envy's power was terrifying, but they were not a sight to behold. Sore to the eyes.

 _Slash, slash, slash!_

Envy saw it in the way Father looked upon them compared to the others. While Pride was given permission to roam about Central as he wished and freedom to choose which family to be adopted into, if he wanted to be adopted into a family at all, Envy was treated with arm-length praise, only their boundless malice and strength earning them any kind of respect from Father or the other Homunculi. Never for their overwhelming, flirty personality.

 _Slash, slash, slash!_

With a final blow of their long-nailed fingers, Envy caught onto the presence of one of their siblings behind them.

"Envy, how long are you going to be here destroying our guards?"

Envy turned to meet Lust's eyes in the dark sewer pathway, her gloved-arms crossed. "That ingrate Greed insulted me before he was wiped out of existence," Envy hissed, "and Father didn't even let me have a go at him for it."

Lust sighed softly. "You can't blame Father. He didn't want to start another fight."

Envy huffed, relaxing their shoulders a little and placing their hands on their hips. Composing themselves. They could let loose later. "Yeah I know." Envy glanced behind their shoulder to the pile of chimera carnage, barely recognizable from their outburst of violence. Other chimeras wailed hiding deep in the grated ceiling away from them. Bloodlust heightened, Envy felt the urge to drag them out to join their dead brethren, but Lust headed back the direction she'd come, pulling Envy away.

"We don't need to worry about Greed anymore," she explained, walking back toward the main hall where Father sat, connected to the entirety of Central and each city in Amestris by metal tubes – listening for any signs of disturbance aside from Sloth's digging. "Father will find a new Greed, one who will obey him as they should, so focus on keeping your eye on the Fullmetal Brat for now."

"Yeah, yeah..." Envy shivered and stuck out their tongue. "Uhg, it's those humans who are the truly ugly ones. Watching them destroy each other is entertaining, but it still doesn't make them any easier to be around."

"True, but I know you prefer being on the field rather than staying here watching over everything like Pride and Wrath have to. And personally, I would have to agree. Isn't that right, Gluttony?"

The roly-poly man stepped out of a tunnel leading off in front of them, his beady eyes reflective and teeth showing white from his large grin. "Out on the field, I get to eat whoever I want! So many different yummy tastes to try!" He clenched his meaty hands in excitement as he fell into step beside Lust and Envy.

Envy scoffed. "Well I don't like working as a packaged deal unlike you two. I could never get anything done with _that_ hunk of pork following me around." They gestured one thumb toward Gluttony, who only blinked at them. Envy smirked at the thought. That was right; the first time Father sent Envy on a mission by themselves to kill humans, Envy was overridden with glee. Father hadn't asked it of anyone else. When there was blood spattered everywhere and they were surrounded by terror and people screaming "Monster! Monster!" Envy felt only triumph that they could finally be assistance to Father in a way that only they could do by themselves.

Father treated the humans like worms, and the more Envy observed them, the more they understood why. Envy despised how the humans allowed such petty desire to overcome all their senses to wrought such war upon the earth. Envy's cause for wreaking havoc was noble: to assist Father in completing his goal of god-hood, to rule over all the stupid beings who desolated the land with their sinful behavior. Envy never even considered their decisions to be unjust, because they knew their actions were just. Anything Father wanted could be justified; he was far more powerful and superior to any of the humans.

"Father sends you on the missions he wants humans to be massacred," said Lust, interrupting Envy's blissful memories. "He sends us on the missions when he wants someone to be stealthy. The only reason you're usually stuck with us is because you're naturally given stealthiness with your inherent abilities."

Envy ground their teeth a little at her bluntness, but realized it was actually a compliment. One finger in his mouth, Gluttony glanced over at the flash of red light that came from Envy transforming into the spitting image of Lust. "Well excuse me for being so versatile that Father can use me for more than just stealth."

Lust shot Envy a glare so dark that it made them revert back in an instant. "We've told you never to impersonate us. It isn't funny."

Envy laughed with a hand on their stomach, pointing at her. "Wow, the look on your face just now was really scary! I was actually afraid!"

Lust ignored them but Envy had gotten their small victory.

They covered it up with jocularity and crass, but in reality Envy was jealous of their siblings, who didn't have to hide their true forms in order to fit in. They didn't have to pretend in order to be acknowledged. They just were, exactly as they were made.

But at least Envy knew the other Homunculi valued each other over the humans; being compared to any of those worms would be the ultimate humiliation.

This was the mentality Envy had had for hundreds of years.

* * *

 **~The Promise Day~**

* * *

"Damn...!" Envy cringed sitting behind the wall amongst all the tubes, the burns on their body taking more and more time to heal.

Envy was running out of time.

Again and again, they'd been fooled by those damn humans and their petty desires. Again and again, they'd failed to liberate themselves from those _worms_. How _dare_ theytreat Envy, a superior being, with such disrespect. How _dare_ they presume to be stronger.

Envy had managed to escape the Xing girl's clutches by swallowing the souls imbued to the dolls given as an army to Central Command, but now this was Envy's final stand. They were losing to the Flame Colonel that had destroyed Lust. Lust, who was so confident and controlled in every situation. The rest of them were being picked off one by one. Only Sloth, Pride, and that scum Greed remained.

Envy was all alone. They had engaged Mustang without thought, and now they were going to pay the price for it.

They were afraid.

Afraid of a human.

Mustang's boots clanked around the empty tunnels underground, a _clack_ , _clack_ , _clack_ ing reminder that Envy would have to face their doom sooner or later. They'd already tried impersonating the Colonel's dear friend to get him to slip up, but it only earned them another fiery beating.

 _Where did I go wrong?!_ Envy wondered, clutching their head. Their entire body stung with every movement, but they barely paid it any mind. How could such puny creatures as humans best him? What caused Mustang to go so rogue that he was willing to become something _in_ human to destroy Envy?

They didn't understand.

They didn't get it.

What in the _world_ was so important that the humans would abandon who they were for things like revenge, for friends, for family? Those were just meaningless bonds, many assigned at birth, and yet the humans allowed those bonds to rule them and dictate who they were?!

It was blasphemy, a kind of power that Envy didn't understand nor did they want to face. The murderous mask the Colonel wore told them that much. They didn't want to mess with it.

Envy mocked humans for being weak for being manipulated by their kin, and yet it gave them such power... how was Envy any different? They had worked for Father their entire lives and charged into battle to face Mustang because of their own bravado, their own need for recognition, their own need to feel acknowledged by the only others they had ties with to this world: Father and the other Homunculi.

Here Envy was, dying and all but dead, and they were abandoned by the other Homunculi.

But Mustang wasn't alone. The Lieutenant he found so dear walked in, and Envy saw their chance to flip the situation back in the order it should be, with Envy, the Homunculus, on top, and Mustang groveling at _their_ feet. That's how it should be. No other way.

Envy waited for their chance to strike.

* * *

 **~Onward~**

* * *

" _What are you doing to my precious lieutenant?_ " Mustang hissed it with such loathing that Envy wished they could slither away and disappear in the cracks of the walls until the Promise Day was over, live on, even without their Homunculus brethren who had forsaken them. Though, Envy had even said they always worked alone, not needing anyone else, not wanting to work with anyone else...

Blasted by unbearable heat, Envy cried out, over and over until their body finally gave in and the pain ended, and they were reduced to something less than their ugly, true form, the slug-like body that they bore once truly defeated. Crushed under the weight of the Colonel's iron-toed boots, Mustang stated it himself: "So this is your true face, is it? You're ugly. _Jealousy is ugly_."

Envy knew they were ugly but made no retort. They needed to get away. They were afraid. They wanted to live...!

Transmutation sounded and they were flung through the air, in the hand of the Fullmetal Brat. Him and Mustang bickered but Envy didn't listen; they to get away, they had to find a way out of this!

There was no way out. The Brat's hand was made of metal and his grip was firm. They wouldn't get far on these short, stubby legs anyway. Envy couldn't stand how they all stood around accepting the camaraderie they once spat on and refused as Envy stood watching them, laughing at them. Now, they weren't laughing, but it was Envy who was all alone, about to die. "What is this, some contest to see who can be the nicest?!" they burst. "I'm gonna throw up! You humans should just drop the pretense of keeping the moral high ground, and listen to your instincts! Colonel Mustang! Scar was trying to kill you, wasn't he?! And you, runt! Scar killed the parents of your little girlfriend, right? Right?! Oh yeah! And the girl in the city, whose body was combined with that of a dog! Scar was also the one who killed her, wasn't he?! And that war in Ishval that was started by me, Envy! Hahaha! Thanks to me, you got to murder a lot of people, didn't you, Lieutenant Hawkeye?! Scar, two of the most efficient killers in the genocide of your people are right here in front of you! Now's your chance! What a group we have here! Keep hating, crying, and killing each other as you writhe in misery! Crawl on the ground like worms! There's no way you insects can live peacefully together! Isn't that right, Fullmetal Alchemist?! Hawkeye?! Mustang?! Scar?!"

No one answered, they only stared, watching Envy with a kind of sorrowful understanding that Envy couldn't comprehend. "...Why?" Envy uttered. This was it. If they couldn't make them turn on each other. This was the end. Why weren't the humans acting as they always did, letting their petty desires overtake them? "WHY, WHY, _WHY?!_ " Envy screamed. "DAMN IT!"

"Envy, you're... just jealous of us."

Their head spun around, so shocked by the statement that they couldn't come up with a witty reply. The golden-haired alchemist continued, "Humans are supposed to be so much weaker than you Homunculi, but no matter how often we get beaten down, become discouraged, lose our way... come close to falling... and even if we know that it's for superficial reasons, we keep fighting on. We find strength in each other. That's why..." He lowered his head. "...you're jealous of humans."

Envy watched the Fullmetal Alchemist with terror in their eyes.

 _Envy, jealous?!_ Not possible. Sure, Envy was jealous of their siblings when they got attention from Father and Envy was jealous of the way they sometimes treated each other but Envy with distance, knowing what they were truly capable of, knowing what they truly looked like inside: pitiful and slug-like. Ugly.

But Envy the Homunculus, jealous of those filthy humans? Being jealous of the very creatures they despised and mocked?

Mustang's cold voice from a few moments before rang in their mind, _"Jealousy is ugly."_

 _Jealousy_ is ugly.

All Envy had ever wanted was to please Father, to be acknowledged by him, to help him achieve what he wanted because it was also what they wanted.

It was why Envy did whatever Father asked.

Why all of the Homunculi did whatever Father asked...

The humans... they committed crimes and became something inhuman for those they loved, letting that ugliness control them when their desire overflowed; the unbreakable bonds inseparable by birth that made them as ugly as insects.

How was what Envy did any different?

It was true.

They wanted what the humans had.

It was _humiliating_.

And _Edward Elric_ of all people had seen right through them.

It was the most unforgivable sin of all; Envy's very existence. Against the only thing they upheld for so long to convince themselves that they were better than the humans, yet Envy was the most human of them all.

Envy forced their tiny slug-like body from Fullmetal's metal hand, grappling as tears poured from their eyes, unable to comprehend the feeling of repagination within them now.

 _Jealousy is ugly, ugly, ugly..._

In another life perhaps, they would have found happiness in more than death and destruction. They would have had friends to help them stand on their own two legs, real or not, as the Fullmetal Alchemist had his entire life.

 _Envy is ugly, ugly, ugly._

Maybe, if Envy hadn't come this far, they would have been able to experience what drives the humans to such lengths, all their ugliness... and their beautifulness too. What other things the humans could accomplish, despite being weaklings? They'd bested Envy, a Homunculus in battle, and were no doubt taking out the others too. Perhaps there was nothing the humans couldn't do...

 _But Envy is only ugly, ugly, ugly._

...Maybe all of the Homunculi could have seen their light before it was darkened by their desires, cast away, separated out into different bodies, all of them used only as puppets known as the Homunculi siblings.

 _Ugly..._

It was only a "maybe." But just maybe, it wasn't too late to fix this. Envy could destroy the true ugliness within them, the ugliness in being unable to uphold the one thing that kept them living, drove them forward for all this time.

Envy sat up, pulled out the only thing keeping their fragile body together, and crushed it between their feet.

Envy squinted at the looks of horror on the humans' faces, at the shock on Edward's face as they disappeared, flashing through his mind, until everything disappeared. Into blackness.

"Good-bye... Edward... Elric..."

Envy could never have what the humans had. Yet Edward Elric had already given it to them so freely: compassion.

It was what Envy had been wishing for their entire life.

And they couldn't stand it.

* * *

 **I've always really liked Envy for their malicious personality, but it only really sank in during my last rewatch of** _ **Brotherhood**_ **just how much that stupid Homunculus strained themselves to be better than the humans, when really they were only trying to be human-like the entire time with such an ostentatious personality.**

 **It's been so long since I've written anything for this anime, and never have I tried a one shot, so please be sure to leave your thoughts! (Jeez, every time I rewatch this show, the feels always come back twice as hard as before.) Thanks for the read!**


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